Making the decision to move your elderly loved one out of their home is not easy, nor should it be taken lightly. Often times this places the adult children in the position of having to act in what they feel is a parenting role with their aging parents. This makes the task and process even more difficult as, regardless of age, children have not been in the role of “telling their parents what to do.” Below are some suggestions and scripts to consider:

Communicate before the crisis
The biggest mistake most people make is waiting until they are in the middle of a criss before they begin. Never talk to them as if they are children, and enlist the help of other family members as well. They should know that your concern is of genuine worry for their well being. Avoid word like “should” and “have to,” as this will just put them off.

If you believe your elder needs assisted living, ask yourself the following questions:
(1) Is the house being kept as neat and tidy as it has usually been? Do you see laundry or dishes piling up? Is the floor cleaned? Bathrooms maintained?
(2) Has your loved one been falling?
(3) Look at the outside of the house as well. Is the lawn as nicely manicured as it used to be? Are the sidewalks shoveled from snow? Have the leaves been raked? Is there garbage outside that hasn't been taken to the curb?
(4) If there was an emergency, would your elder remember what to do?
(5) Is your elder taking their medications the way they are prescribed? Count the pills and make sure there are not too many missing, or too many remaining. Does he know what the medications are for?
(6) Is your loved one continuing to manage their finances?
(7) Has she recently lost weight? Are there healthy meal choices? Is the food fresh?
If you answer no to any of the above questions, your loved one may be ready for Assisted Living. If you answer no to more than one of the questions, it is almost certain.

Involve your elder in the process
Once the decision has been made to investigate the possibilities for assisted living, involve your aging loved one in the process of making a decision. Oftentimes, the things we think might be the most important are really the things that matter least when the final decision is made. You might believe your mother will be most interested in the color of the carpeting but, after visiting a few communities, your mother chooses the place that smells the best because it reminds her most of her home.

Make sure your loved one understands the benefits of living in an assisted living community. They are able to help if there is an emergency, there are staff on duty twenty-four hours per day. In assisted living, the elders get their nutritional meals prepared for them and their housekeeping tasks are done for them. There are also varieties of life enrichment activities available to keep them active, entertained, and decrease loneliness.

An example might be:

The Problem: Your mom is a widow. A recent visit to her home found more than a weeks worth of dishes in the sink and bags of garbage outside.
The Plan: Find out what is most likely to positively influence her impression of an assisted living community. Home-like environment? Variety of activities? Outings? Home cooked meals? Clean and friendly staff?
The Talk: Say "I'm going with my friend Susie to have lunch with her mom, who lives at Mountain Springs Assisted Living. Why don't you come?" Work with the community staff to set it up if you have to.

At Mountain Springs Assisted Living, the community is seeking to become the first Eden Alternative certified community in Northern Nevada. Eden Alternative communities seek to eliminate what are called “the three plagues” that are often found in senior living environments: loneliness, helplessness and boredom. This is done through moving away from a “medical model” of care and toward a “human habitat.” Using an elder-centered approach and surrounding the elders with the life of plants, animals, and children; elders living in Eden communities have been found to live longer and have fewer overall health problems than in other communities.

Seek the help of professionals
Some elders will welcome the opportunity, some may even be relieved you brought it up. Others may be reluctant. Remember, giving up the opportunity to live independently is equivalent, in many cases, to the loss of a treasured friend.

You may also be having a difficult time with knowing if this is the right decision. Enlist the help of a spouse or friend who can be more objective in looking at the situation. If your loved on is in a hospital, secure the help of hospital Social Workers or the treating physician. If not, ask for help from a local assisted living community. Mountain Springs Assisted Living Community, for example, has trained and experienced staff who can meet at your loved ones location to talk about the benefits of assisted living, the process, and the assisted living experience.

You can also take your loved one for a visit to a local assisted living community. Visits should begin with short trips and can increase in duration to include a meal, an activity, or a full day visit. A move to a new place is not as scary a decision if they have already made some friends, met the staff, and learned the routine. Call or come by for a visit today:
Mountain Springs Assisted Living
2861 Mountain Street
Carson City, Nevada 89703
775.885.9223

Finally, once your loved one has agreed to the move, you may have your own guilt. Know that your decision was made with love and respect for your aging loved one. It is important for you to know that your decision, made with your loved one, was the best and safest thing you could have done for them. They do.

Copy and paste the address below into your web brouser to enjoy a video presentation of the residents and staff of Mountain Springs Assisted Living Community:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5bj8SWFjSx0